I don’t usually blog about work because of what I do, but I just wanted to send out this little snippet of advice to anyone that starts a project that others have worked on for 2 years:
If you feel the urge to “take the initiative” to do something, don’t go leaping straight to the boss and tell the boss that you need something because you are going to change a bunch of stuff. If you do choose to do that, also expect that the next day when you skip into your office, all of the people that you jumped over will be standing in line to stomp on your head.
I’ll be wearing my Doc Martins tomorrow.
So, that sets the tone for the rest of my posting.
I had to brave the evil grocery store in the dark and rain after work for taco fixings. Oh sure, we had other things we could eat at home, but since most of my money is either being drained from my 401K like a plug being pulled out of a bath tub, or being spent to bail out the auto industry I figured that I wanted tacos, so dammit I’m going to have tacos.
I get home, cold and wet, and as I’m trying to prepare the tasty tacos, still stewing about work and wondering where I left my Doc Martins, the phone rings.
Typically I don’t answer the phone. If they can’t tell me they’re foreclosing on my house, then I must be allowed to stay in it. Ok, things aren’t that grim, I exaggerate a lot... actually I’m avoiding the phone calls from desperate charities, or my mortgage holder telling me I need to refinance my house. Yeah... AHAHAHAHAAAAA. The charities I tell that we’re poor and eating cat food but if they want to give ME something, then we can talk. The mortgage company I just say AHAHAHAHAHAAAA, then hang up.
Tonight I was hoping for either, because I was going to give either of them a piece of my mind (taking out work frustration on innocent strangers is a lovely way to keep from bottling it all in and going postal someday. Hey, its not like I asked them to call.) but I couldn’t even get that satisfaction... it was a recording... from the local pizza delivery place.
Hey (some very perky woman shrieked in the recording) you are a V.I.P.! As a V.I.P. (shrieking and way to freakin perky woman says) I’m “entitled” to a large pizza with one topping for only (enter some amount here, I don’t remember).
Frankly, I do like pizza, but ONE topping? Does that include sauce and cheese?
My questions were interrupted by perky recorded woman who couldn’t hear me muttering into the phone, and who, instead, shrieked with glee that all I had to do was press “1” and she would stop her shrieking so I could speak to my local pizza place and order this wonderful one topping cheap pizza.
Are you kidding me? Are things THAT bad that now pizza places are calling their customers to get them to order pizza?
I hung up on perky recorded woman, made tacos and enjoyed them so much that I literally had to hose myself off. Have I mentioned that I’m a messy eater? I’ll save that for tomorrow.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
All Over the Place
I’m pretty sure that this post will go in strange directions, so I can’t promise a meaningful end to it.
So last night I became some techo-geek Goldilocks trying to find the most comfortable sleep number on my bed. Too soft, too hard, too soft, too hard, sonofa... I think it has something to do with having me and three large huskies on the bed when I was trying to adjust it, and I’m amazed the thing didn’t pop at any one point in my inflating and deflating of it. The dogs were slightly amused at the ride, except for Meeshka who clawed my forehead, so I kept it at 30 and struggled to get enough covers out from under Loki so I could cover a small part of my body and not freeze to death. You would think that if two meager puppies could keep a three year old boy warm out in the cold, that three full grown huskies would generate enough heat to keep me warm in a house, but I prefer to have my entire body warm with a blanket and not just specific bits of me warmed by huskies.
Incredibly enough, I woke up this morning in a foul mood. Let me restate that... I woke up in the same foul mood I’ve been in for the past... several months or so. Snoozing the alarm until the last minute, rushing around to get ready for work and then arriving late and having to park 7 miles away further added to the mood, if that’s even possible.
I managed to survive an entire day of work, and thought I’d be in a better mood leaving work until I realized that since I had forgotten the shopping list on my desk yesterday, and because I was in great gastro-intestinal distress from the poisoned hot dog consumed on Saturday, I had managed to only grab ONE thing that I needed from the store, so I had to go back and get the rest of the stuff that I needed. Ok, need is a stretch as I’m pretty sure we could have done without grape juice, but I did need to get liverwurst for the dogs and showing up at home without that would have been catastrophic or at the very least... scarring.
I think part of what has contributed to my foul mood is the fact that all day its been overcast and gloomy, and when I leave work its pitch freakin black out, making me believe that its time to go to bed and I shouldn’t be forced to go grocery shopping when I should be in bed... even though its only 5 pm. I managed to get into a reasonably short line at the cashier, only to find out that the reason it was so short was because all of the people that had been in the line died of natural causes waiting for the “cashier in training” to figure out that no matter how many times he tried scanning an item and listening to the beep, he would need to hit the “clear” button first before the stupid thing would work. This happened no less than 14 times before my items were ready to be rung up, and each time he needed someone from customer service to come over and smack the “clear” button for him. He didn’t seem very appreciative when I screamed “HIT THE CLEAR BUTTON!” the 4,596 time.
I got stuck in the usual night time traffic cluster fuck because some asshat thought it would be ok for a 2 lane road to close up to 1 lane near a major intersection (which we happen to call “The Intersection of Doom” for the amount of daily carnage), and I finally get home sweet home to very anxious dogs happy to see that I come bearing liverwurst.
Once again, I look at my “to do” list and laugh. Nothing getting done tonight again. Instead I think I’ll e-mail my congressman and senator and tell them they’re worthless, corrupt scum. That may make me feel better.
So last night I became some techo-geek Goldilocks trying to find the most comfortable sleep number on my bed. Too soft, too hard, too soft, too hard, sonofa... I think it has something to do with having me and three large huskies on the bed when I was trying to adjust it, and I’m amazed the thing didn’t pop at any one point in my inflating and deflating of it. The dogs were slightly amused at the ride, except for Meeshka who clawed my forehead, so I kept it at 30 and struggled to get enough covers out from under Loki so I could cover a small part of my body and not freeze to death. You would think that if two meager puppies could keep a three year old boy warm out in the cold, that three full grown huskies would generate enough heat to keep me warm in a house, but I prefer to have my entire body warm with a blanket and not just specific bits of me warmed by huskies.
Incredibly enough, I woke up this morning in a foul mood. Let me restate that... I woke up in the same foul mood I’ve been in for the past... several months or so. Snoozing the alarm until the last minute, rushing around to get ready for work and then arriving late and having to park 7 miles away further added to the mood, if that’s even possible.
I managed to survive an entire day of work, and thought I’d be in a better mood leaving work until I realized that since I had forgotten the shopping list on my desk yesterday, and because I was in great gastro-intestinal distress from the poisoned hot dog consumed on Saturday, I had managed to only grab ONE thing that I needed from the store, so I had to go back and get the rest of the stuff that I needed. Ok, need is a stretch as I’m pretty sure we could have done without grape juice, but I did need to get liverwurst for the dogs and showing up at home without that would have been catastrophic or at the very least... scarring.
I think part of what has contributed to my foul mood is the fact that all day its been overcast and gloomy, and when I leave work its pitch freakin black out, making me believe that its time to go to bed and I shouldn’t be forced to go grocery shopping when I should be in bed... even though its only 5 pm. I managed to get into a reasonably short line at the cashier, only to find out that the reason it was so short was because all of the people that had been in the line died of natural causes waiting for the “cashier in training” to figure out that no matter how many times he tried scanning an item and listening to the beep, he would need to hit the “clear” button first before the stupid thing would work. This happened no less than 14 times before my items were ready to be rung up, and each time he needed someone from customer service to come over and smack the “clear” button for him. He didn’t seem very appreciative when I screamed “HIT THE CLEAR BUTTON!” the 4,596 time.
I got stuck in the usual night time traffic cluster fuck because some asshat thought it would be ok for a 2 lane road to close up to 1 lane near a major intersection (which we happen to call “The Intersection of Doom” for the amount of daily carnage), and I finally get home sweet home to very anxious dogs happy to see that I come bearing liverwurst.
Once again, I look at my “to do” list and laugh. Nothing getting done tonight again. Instead I think I’ll e-mail my congressman and senator and tell them they’re worthless, corrupt scum. That may make me feel better.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Hiding Out
Either I’m smacked upside the head with some kind of seasonal affective disorder (SAD... yeah, cute fucking acronym) or that hot dog I ate while freezing my ass off at some non-profit standing in the freezing cold trying to sell cute stuffed animals event thing has poisoned me. Since I’ve been unmotivated going on two weeks and I just ate the hot dog two days ago, I’m guessing I’m in a pissy mood from the season and a crappy mood from the hot dog... if you get my drift.
While most people look forward to the Christmas season, I only look forward to the wonderful time off of the Christmas season, certainly not the manic, glazed eyed, rude butt heads that crowd the malls and trample innocent people to death in their quest for a $20 off DVD player. I have a routine, that routine is that I drive to a Starbucks, expect to find a parking spot within 5 miles of the Starbucks, and not have to stand in line behind 5,000 people who have apparently never been to a Starbucks and require the cashier to explain each and every ingredient in each and every drink. I also don’t like the people that order, and even though there are 4,000 people waiting on their drink, feel compelled to rush the bar where the completed drinks are placed and hover, waiting for their drink and blocking the little landing pad area. I also hate those hovering people that feel that the very first venti latte plopped on that landing pad area is their venti latte, even though 3,499 people ahead of them ordered a venti latte... and heaven help them if they’re reaching for my venti latte.
Yep, Christmas only means inconvenience to me, I hate it. I don’t “do” Christmas, and don’t go rushing off and assume that I’m jewish, I am not. There are other religions that don’t celebrate Christmas other than the Jews, so go enlighten yourself and find out what they are, then maybe I won’t smack you upside the head when you exclaim to me “I didn’t know you were jewish”. You can wish me a Merry Christmas, if that’s what you celebrate, but don’t expect me to wish it back, although I may say “same to you”, but I do that with travel agents too when they tell me to have a good trip. “You too!” I yell... then fall to the floor and convulse because I’m an idiot and have been trained to just spew random niceties at people without first thinking about what I’m saying. “Sorry for your loss” “You too!”
Ok, back to my lack of motivation... its very lacking. So lacking that I’m surprised I have enough motivation to remember to breathe, and frankly I did feel somewhat faint at work today, so maybe I did forget to breathe. I have just enough motivation to go to work, sit and stare, come home, sit and stare, go to bed. This wouldn’t be too much of a problem, except that I have things that I told people that I would do. Maybe that’s the whole problem right there... commitment. Seems like a lot of work, even though its not really work, but the moment I told someone I would do something and assigned a rather generic time frame to the moment of when I would actually do it... it immediately became work.
Maybe I don’t have SAD. Maybe I have WAD... but that sounds rather vulgar. I’m so unmotivated.
While most people look forward to the Christmas season, I only look forward to the wonderful time off of the Christmas season, certainly not the manic, glazed eyed, rude butt heads that crowd the malls and trample innocent people to death in their quest for a $20 off DVD player. I have a routine, that routine is that I drive to a Starbucks, expect to find a parking spot within 5 miles of the Starbucks, and not have to stand in line behind 5,000 people who have apparently never been to a Starbucks and require the cashier to explain each and every ingredient in each and every drink. I also don’t like the people that order, and even though there are 4,000 people waiting on their drink, feel compelled to rush the bar where the completed drinks are placed and hover, waiting for their drink and blocking the little landing pad area. I also hate those hovering people that feel that the very first venti latte plopped on that landing pad area is their venti latte, even though 3,499 people ahead of them ordered a venti latte... and heaven help them if they’re reaching for my venti latte.
Yep, Christmas only means inconvenience to me, I hate it. I don’t “do” Christmas, and don’t go rushing off and assume that I’m jewish, I am not. There are other religions that don’t celebrate Christmas other than the Jews, so go enlighten yourself and find out what they are, then maybe I won’t smack you upside the head when you exclaim to me “I didn’t know you were jewish”. You can wish me a Merry Christmas, if that’s what you celebrate, but don’t expect me to wish it back, although I may say “same to you”, but I do that with travel agents too when they tell me to have a good trip. “You too!” I yell... then fall to the floor and convulse because I’m an idiot and have been trained to just spew random niceties at people without first thinking about what I’m saying. “Sorry for your loss” “You too!”
Ok, back to my lack of motivation... its very lacking. So lacking that I’m surprised I have enough motivation to remember to breathe, and frankly I did feel somewhat faint at work today, so maybe I did forget to breathe. I have just enough motivation to go to work, sit and stare, come home, sit and stare, go to bed. This wouldn’t be too much of a problem, except that I have things that I told people that I would do. Maybe that’s the whole problem right there... commitment. Seems like a lot of work, even though its not really work, but the moment I told someone I would do something and assigned a rather generic time frame to the moment of when I would actually do it... it immediately became work.
Maybe I don’t have SAD. Maybe I have WAD... but that sounds rather vulgar. I’m so unmotivated.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
This Can't Be A Good Sign
Tonight while I was driving home from work, a pigeon swooped into traffic, smashed itself into the side of the car in front of me (that was traveling 50 mph), exploded in a flurry of feathers and was propelled by its own momentum into oncoming traffic. Pigeon suicide.
Two things crossed my mind:
1.) this can’t be a good sign
2.) what made it do that?
Could the pigeon have looked at its online 401K statement and felt that flying into a car was the only alternative?
At least it was a pigeon and not a stock broker. I’d mourn more for the pigeon though.
My husband is currently ranting about the sheet he received from the “sleep disorder” clinic. He’s never been able to sleep well, so he finally went to the doctor who referred him to the sleep disorder clinic. Before bed he’s suppose to either:
read a boring book
write in a journal
He’s claiming that these are women things, men don’t read books and they don’t journal. I can see how this is going to be a rousing success. I think I’ll get some ice cream to eat in bed so at least I have something tasty to eat while he’s ranting about not sleeping.
Two things crossed my mind:
1.) this can’t be a good sign
2.) what made it do that?
Could the pigeon have looked at its online 401K statement and felt that flying into a car was the only alternative?
At least it was a pigeon and not a stock broker. I’d mourn more for the pigeon though.
My husband is currently ranting about the sheet he received from the “sleep disorder” clinic. He’s never been able to sleep well, so he finally went to the doctor who referred him to the sleep disorder clinic. Before bed he’s suppose to either:
read a boring book
write in a journal
He’s claiming that these are women things, men don’t read books and they don’t journal. I can see how this is going to be a rousing success. I think I’ll get some ice cream to eat in bed so at least I have something tasty to eat while he’s ranting about not sleeping.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Brother-in-law of doom
Yep, its the first week of September, and like clock-work, my brother-in-law is here for the week, and so are the horrible catastrophes and we’re waiting for a famous person to die.
This happens every time he visits. We, at first, thought that catastrophes and horrible things only happened during vacations. How many times does your hotel have to burn down before you begin to think its a family curse? The second one had us wondering, but after the third, you pretty much realize that it can’t be a fluke.
We narrowed it down to the amount of family members gathered in one small area determines the rough magnitude of destruction and bad mojo. If its us and Brother-in-law, then typically a natural disaster occurs, and a famous person dies. If its us, Brother-in-law AND my in-laws, then very horrible things like terrorist attacks, a natural disaster AND a famous person dies.
Don’t worry, this year its just Brother-in-law, which explains Gustav. I’m glad to see the call for mass evacuations, unlike the year he came to visit and Katrina hit. Yes, that was his doing too. He was no where near us during that whole Tsunami thing... actually my mom was here, but we haven’t quite correlated the effect of my relatives visiting and horrible natural disasters. I may need a grant to study this phenomena.
This seemingly odd happenstance causes my somewhat rational friends to giggle happily and submit guesses for the celebrity death pool. Nobody guessed Princess Diana, that was a huge surprise (and yes, he was here), and Steve Irwin, that was totally out of the blue (yep, day 2 of his visit). We get the usual guesses of old celebrities that should have died years ago, and some people will go for the not so obvious (although for some reason I felt that Marie Osmond was a bit cruel in some way).
So, people of the gulf coast region, I’m very sorry that my brother-in-law is in town. We have no way of directing his odd power of natural catastrophe and celebrity deaths, so its nothing personal or anything.
This happens every time he visits. We, at first, thought that catastrophes and horrible things only happened during vacations. How many times does your hotel have to burn down before you begin to think its a family curse? The second one had us wondering, but after the third, you pretty much realize that it can’t be a fluke.
We narrowed it down to the amount of family members gathered in one small area determines the rough magnitude of destruction and bad mojo. If its us and Brother-in-law, then typically a natural disaster occurs, and a famous person dies. If its us, Brother-in-law AND my in-laws, then very horrible things like terrorist attacks, a natural disaster AND a famous person dies.
Don’t worry, this year its just Brother-in-law, which explains Gustav. I’m glad to see the call for mass evacuations, unlike the year he came to visit and Katrina hit. Yes, that was his doing too. He was no where near us during that whole Tsunami thing... actually my mom was here, but we haven’t quite correlated the effect of my relatives visiting and horrible natural disasters. I may need a grant to study this phenomena.
This seemingly odd happenstance causes my somewhat rational friends to giggle happily and submit guesses for the celebrity death pool. Nobody guessed Princess Diana, that was a huge surprise (and yes, he was here), and Steve Irwin, that was totally out of the blue (yep, day 2 of his visit). We get the usual guesses of old celebrities that should have died years ago, and some people will go for the not so obvious (although for some reason I felt that Marie Osmond was a bit cruel in some way).
So, people of the gulf coast region, I’m very sorry that my brother-in-law is in town. We have no way of directing his odd power of natural catastrophe and celebrity deaths, so its nothing personal or anything.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Have You Seen This Bag?
An APB (all purse bulletin) has been released.Have you seen this bag?
This bag is wanted internationally.
Name: Adrienne Vittadini
Description: soft leather bag
Wanted for: being the perfect leather bag
Last seen: October 2003 issue of Real Simple magazine
Whereabouts: unknown
If you have seen this bag, please notify this blogger immediately.
This bag is to be considered soft and perfect. Care should be taken when approaching this bag as you will undoubtedly want it and must have it. Don't attempt to buy this bag if it is the only bag available because if you flaunt it in front of this blogger, she will hunt you down and become hysterical, wanting to touch it and just put it on her shoulder just once, really, I'll give it back to you after I try it on.
Knock offs of this bag are acceptable if the leather is buttery soft.
Please find this bag and make a bag-a-holic (or two, or 5,000) happy.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Its all fake (well, some of it)
So, Fox news was all up in arms today because they found out that some of the fireworks for the opening ceremony of the olympics was computer generated, and that one little girl was lip syncing to the voice of another little girl who wasn’t “pretty” enough to be in the ceremony.
Let’s see. They had a reportedly 15,000 people performing during the opening ceremonies, which was one of the most impressive displays of synchronized performing, with amazing computer generated and video generated accompaniment, and Fox is miffed about some things not being what they appeared to be.
Hmm, read no further if you don’t want to read spoilers:
1.) Singers lip sync ALL THE TIME DUH!
2.) Actors don’t do their own stunts
3.) Everything in the movies is computer generated, fake, false, misleading and totally bogus.
4.) There are no real superheros!!!!
Get over it Fox, it was still pretty impressive and if the U.S. tried to pull something off like that, invariably they would have been forced to use a Windows product for the floor screen and would have been required to reboot it no less than 6 times.
The press has revealed that the latest “fad” is Pregorexia. Women with eating disorders get pregnant and do everything they can to not gain weight during the pregnancy, namely actresses. Of course, this doesn’t bode well for the poor baby, but really, do we need another name for it? These stick thin actresses are ALREADY anorexic, so do they get a whole new disorder name just because they get pregnant? They are anorexic and happen to be pregnant. I’m guessing that like everything else in their faux, pretend, bend over backwards to give them whatever they want lives, that the reality of having to gain weight in order to have a normal child is beyond their capability... except after the birth when they whore out the kid’s pictures to a tabloid for a million.
I need to start drinking more, or allowing my sanity to slip some more.
Let’s see. They had a reportedly 15,000 people performing during the opening ceremonies, which was one of the most impressive displays of synchronized performing, with amazing computer generated and video generated accompaniment, and Fox is miffed about some things not being what they appeared to be.
Hmm, read no further if you don’t want to read spoilers:
1.) Singers lip sync ALL THE TIME DUH!
2.) Actors don’t do their own stunts
3.) Everything in the movies is computer generated, fake, false, misleading and totally bogus.
4.) There are no real superheros!!!!
Get over it Fox, it was still pretty impressive and if the U.S. tried to pull something off like that, invariably they would have been forced to use a Windows product for the floor screen and would have been required to reboot it no less than 6 times.
The press has revealed that the latest “fad” is Pregorexia. Women with eating disorders get pregnant and do everything they can to not gain weight during the pregnancy, namely actresses. Of course, this doesn’t bode well for the poor baby, but really, do we need another name for it? These stick thin actresses are ALREADY anorexic, so do they get a whole new disorder name just because they get pregnant? They are anorexic and happen to be pregnant. I’m guessing that like everything else in their faux, pretend, bend over backwards to give them whatever they want lives, that the reality of having to gain weight in order to have a normal child is beyond their capability... except after the birth when they whore out the kid’s pictures to a tabloid for a million.
I need to start drinking more, or allowing my sanity to slip some more.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Weekly Rambling
I really need to find a job where I can blog during work hours so I can keep up with the thoughts in my head.
1.) We've had an invasion of little red ants in our kitchen. They invaded my lucky charms, they were climbing on the cabinets, very annoying. The last straw was opening the simple human trash can and seeing the contents moving around. There was a whole ant reunion party going on in there. Since we have dogs and since I don't want to poison my dogs, I tried putting cornstarch baby powder at the bottom of the door (where the ant congo line was forming) and they just figured a way around that, so toxic spray was the only way to go. Since I didn't have toxic spray, I squirted some Skintastic mosquito spray on them. I figured it would just piss them off and make them go away, but actually it killed them on contact. Hey, cool! So, if you want to kill ants and don't want to poison your dogs or cats, use Skintastic on ants. They're dead, mosquitos will stay away and it has that lovely smell.
2.) I caught a summer cold (that I'm still blowing green crap out of my nose, and yes I know its probably a sinus infection, just shut up I'm in denial), and realized that out of the shelves and shelves of over the counter medication out there, there's never anything that totally fits the symptoms of your cold. I wish they had Garanimal drugs for people, mix and match stuff that you could take for your symptoms. I'll have 1 runny nose, 1 sneezing, 1 watery eyes, but no cough and no aches please.
3.) I saw a commercial for "The National Review" which stated "Liberal Democrats are readier than ever..." Readier? Doesn't that just sound totally wrong. Not "as ready as ever", readier... liberal democrats are morons. (Author note: This last part was suppose to read "... and liberal democrats are morons?" but apparently in my lack of sleep, over the counter medicated state, totally botched that ending and apologize to Michelle and the other tree hugging liberal democrats for not making it perfectly clear that I think "The National Review" isn't even fit to use as toilet paper)
4.) Some moron on FOX news was complaining that ICE raids deny the rights of illegal aliens. Um... if they are illegal THEN THEY DON'T HAVE ANY RIGHTS.
5.) Nancy Pelosi... when did she become Queen and rule the U.S.?
6.) The Orlando Anthony family - I'm pretty sure that this whole missing kid thing is just a totally elaborate reality tv show joke on the entire world. Nobody could be that stupid, gullible, and so over the top whack job. If it isn't a cruel joke on the world, then the kid is certainly dead, the mother did it, and grandma will still think that it was a conspiracy.
7.) Olympic athlete denied a visa to China because of the athlete's outspoken opinion about China's involvement in Darfur. Um, if you are there to run a race, shut up and run and do the politic crap in your non-running times.
8.) Bret Favre... who cares.
9.) Electro shock therapy is the new rage in depression treatment. The side effect: short term memory loss.... hmmm, that might make work a bit more bearable actually, where do I sign up?
10.) Osteen lawsuit. I'm sure Ms. Osteen was a bitch and threw a hissy in first class, but causing the flight attendant to get hemorrhoids? mmmmm nah. I'm sure the flight attendant will win anyway.
That's your weekly news wrap up.
1.) We've had an invasion of little red ants in our kitchen. They invaded my lucky charms, they were climbing on the cabinets, very annoying. The last straw was opening the simple human trash can and seeing the contents moving around. There was a whole ant reunion party going on in there. Since we have dogs and since I don't want to poison my dogs, I tried putting cornstarch baby powder at the bottom of the door (where the ant congo line was forming) and they just figured a way around that, so toxic spray was the only way to go. Since I didn't have toxic spray, I squirted some Skintastic mosquito spray on them. I figured it would just piss them off and make them go away, but actually it killed them on contact. Hey, cool! So, if you want to kill ants and don't want to poison your dogs or cats, use Skintastic on ants. They're dead, mosquitos will stay away and it has that lovely smell.
2.) I caught a summer cold (that I'm still blowing green crap out of my nose, and yes I know its probably a sinus infection, just shut up I'm in denial), and realized that out of the shelves and shelves of over the counter medication out there, there's never anything that totally fits the symptoms of your cold. I wish they had Garanimal drugs for people, mix and match stuff that you could take for your symptoms. I'll have 1 runny nose, 1 sneezing, 1 watery eyes, but no cough and no aches please.
3.) I saw a commercial for "The National Review" which stated "Liberal Democrats are readier than ever..." Readier? Doesn't that just sound totally wrong. Not "as ready as ever", readier... liberal democrats are morons. (Author note: This last part was suppose to read "... and liberal democrats are morons?" but apparently in my lack of sleep, over the counter medicated state, totally botched that ending and apologize to Michelle and the other tree hugging liberal democrats for not making it perfectly clear that I think "The National Review" isn't even fit to use as toilet paper)
4.) Some moron on FOX news was complaining that ICE raids deny the rights of illegal aliens. Um... if they are illegal THEN THEY DON'T HAVE ANY RIGHTS.
5.) Nancy Pelosi... when did she become Queen and rule the U.S.?
6.) The Orlando Anthony family - I'm pretty sure that this whole missing kid thing is just a totally elaborate reality tv show joke on the entire world. Nobody could be that stupid, gullible, and so over the top whack job. If it isn't a cruel joke on the world, then the kid is certainly dead, the mother did it, and grandma will still think that it was a conspiracy.
7.) Olympic athlete denied a visa to China because of the athlete's outspoken opinion about China's involvement in Darfur. Um, if you are there to run a race, shut up and run and do the politic crap in your non-running times.
8.) Bret Favre... who cares.
9.) Electro shock therapy is the new rage in depression treatment. The side effect: short term memory loss.... hmmm, that might make work a bit more bearable actually, where do I sign up?
10.) Osteen lawsuit. I'm sure Ms. Osteen was a bitch and threw a hissy in first class, but causing the flight attendant to get hemorrhoids? mmmmm nah. I'm sure the flight attendant will win anyway.
That's your weekly news wrap up.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Now Here's Justice
Shia LaBeouf (pictured right) was involved in a late night auto accident that has apparently "crushed" his hand. Lucky for him he has a slew of lawyers, independent investigators, and a movie studio behind him to "make his DUI go away" and throw the blame for the whole distasteful incident on the other driver, who now, apparently, was speeding, running a red light, not even looking where he was going, rolling coins, and doing his laundry when he happened to run into the mega movie star. I'm pretty sure that during the star studded trial, he will also be fingered for kidnapping and subsequently killing the Lindbergh baby despite the fact that he probably hadn't even been born yet. What dumb luck for this poor schmuck that he couldn't just run into an average citizen and merely have some points taken off his license. I smell definite jail time and a ruined life ahead for this guy.
But never fear, that new Transformers movie will still be coming out, because Mr. LaBeouf's employer has vowed to wait as long as necessary for Mr. LaBeouf (pictured above) to recover, and if they must, they'll write the injury into the script. Isn't it great that others who suffer injuries through no fault of their own have their jobs held or modified to accommodate their injuries. Why are you laughing?
Mr. LaBeouf (pictured above) is preparing himself for future roles that accommodate his new injury, and is expected to bring the "one arm man" in the Fugitive to new dimensions.
It Makes the Brain Bubble
It doesn’t take much to make my brain bubble these past few weeks. Yes, I haven’t blogged in a while, that’s because after the whole Benadryl gulping poison ivy incident, I actually did catch a summer cold that really kicked my butt and threw me into bed for a few days doped up on whatever I could find in the medicine cabinet that would make the niagra falls raging out of my nose stop.
Last week was a blur, so I decided to catch up on some news. Hmm, random bus riders hacking the heads off of sleeping passengers, workers getting fired and going postal and shooting their former co-workers, anthrax scientists committing suicide... wow, where is a really good “feel good” story.
Well, there it is: Woman attempts to drive all summer on one tank of gas.
Ok, admirable, not only from a cost saving aspect, but she’s getting all that attention because of the “climate change” fanatics out there applauding her pluck and courage to downsize her life and save the earth (insert sarcastic laughter here).
Being the cynic that I am, and still hopped up on cold pills, before I even clicked on the link to read it, here was my spin of the “story”:
A stay at home mom who uses cloth diapers (which actually waste more water in their cleaning and are worse for the earth because of the detergents spewed into the ground than dumping crap-filled plastic diapers in a landfill) and walks to the grocery store with her re-usable grocery bags has sacrificed her daily drive to the mall where she walks with her children lashed into strollers with the rest of her non-working yuppie public breastfeeding moms in their goal to get better calves for summer skorts while talking trash about their friends over starbucks and a cinnabon.
Side rant here - why do people actually DRIVE to a mall to walk? Can’t they simply walk out of their front door and walk around the block? Must they actually drive to a mall? Sure, its nice and air conditioned there, but isn’t the whole purpose of walking to sweat a little and get exercise? And why is it that when I was lined up outside the Apple store for the new 3G iPhone, that a gaggle of old mall walkers actually cursed us for being in their “walking route”? Um, excuse me but I’m here supporting the stores that are in the mall by purchasing their wares, keeping them open for business, while you simply take up the air conditioning with your old, don’t flush the toilet every time you use it to save on water, reeking of perfume because your sense of smell died around the same time your sense of fashion did old person odor, so stop the tude old dude.
Anyhoo, I digress, back to driving all summer on one tank of gas woman. I was pleasantly surprised to read that miss save gas woman was actually a working person who was utilizing alternate modes of transportation in her bid to... well, I’m not sure exactly what the whole point of her trying to go all summer with only one tank of gas, since there were references to her being “green” but that she wasn’t a tree hugger by any stretch, and she wasn’t exactly trying to save money really, it was more like “hey, lets see if I can do it” so there really wasn’t a purpose to her doing it. It wasn’t as though she was going to lose her house if she didn’t cut out the gas consumption, or she was going hungry because of it, it was more like a “hey, I wonder if” thing... so she really had no reason other than just trying. Ok, sorta defeats the whole purpose of reason, but whatever... she’s trying... um, wait a minute... she’s mooching rides from her mother, and friends and borrowing cars.
Ok, so this is the problem I have with this story:
1.) if she were saving the earth, then it would be about her using earth friendly modes of transportation
2.) If it were about her saving money, then it would be about her finding ways to find cost effective public transportation, or alternate and cost effect modes of transportation like biking.
but its not about either of those things, its about someone that said “hey, I just want to do this, so I’ll mooch rides off of people, and use other people’s gas and blog about it and get semi famous in my local news which gets picked up by CNN who probably didn’t realize that it was a story about nothing really”. I mean seriously, I could use only 1 tank of gas for months if I quit my job, mooched rides off of people and had PeaPod deliver my food (shortly before the bank foreclosed on my house and sold all of my belongings), so big freakin deal about this chick.
P.S. I just went out and checked out her “blog” and apparently a lot of people gave her crap about mooching rides and using her mother’s car. Her blog sucks, btw, just my opinion. She says that saving gas isn’t a big deal, but what is different in her case is that she’s “writing about it”... apparently she needs to stay home more and check out the millions of energy saving blogs out there... moron.
Last week was a blur, so I decided to catch up on some news. Hmm, random bus riders hacking the heads off of sleeping passengers, workers getting fired and going postal and shooting their former co-workers, anthrax scientists committing suicide... wow, where is a really good “feel good” story.
Well, there it is: Woman attempts to drive all summer on one tank of gas.
Ok, admirable, not only from a cost saving aspect, but she’s getting all that attention because of the “climate change” fanatics out there applauding her pluck and courage to downsize her life and save the earth (insert sarcastic laughter here).
Being the cynic that I am, and still hopped up on cold pills, before I even clicked on the link to read it, here was my spin of the “story”:
A stay at home mom who uses cloth diapers (which actually waste more water in their cleaning and are worse for the earth because of the detergents spewed into the ground than dumping crap-filled plastic diapers in a landfill) and walks to the grocery store with her re-usable grocery bags has sacrificed her daily drive to the mall where she walks with her children lashed into strollers with the rest of her non-working yuppie public breastfeeding moms in their goal to get better calves for summer skorts while talking trash about their friends over starbucks and a cinnabon.
Side rant here - why do people actually DRIVE to a mall to walk? Can’t they simply walk out of their front door and walk around the block? Must they actually drive to a mall? Sure, its nice and air conditioned there, but isn’t the whole purpose of walking to sweat a little and get exercise? And why is it that when I was lined up outside the Apple store for the new 3G iPhone, that a gaggle of old mall walkers actually cursed us for being in their “walking route”? Um, excuse me but I’m here supporting the stores that are in the mall by purchasing their wares, keeping them open for business, while you simply take up the air conditioning with your old, don’t flush the toilet every time you use it to save on water, reeking of perfume because your sense of smell died around the same time your sense of fashion did old person odor, so stop the tude old dude.
Anyhoo, I digress, back to driving all summer on one tank of gas woman. I was pleasantly surprised to read that miss save gas woman was actually a working person who was utilizing alternate modes of transportation in her bid to... well, I’m not sure exactly what the whole point of her trying to go all summer with only one tank of gas, since there were references to her being “green” but that she wasn’t a tree hugger by any stretch, and she wasn’t exactly trying to save money really, it was more like “hey, lets see if I can do it” so there really wasn’t a purpose to her doing it. It wasn’t as though she was going to lose her house if she didn’t cut out the gas consumption, or she was going hungry because of it, it was more like a “hey, I wonder if” thing... so she really had no reason other than just trying. Ok, sorta defeats the whole purpose of reason, but whatever... she’s trying... um, wait a minute... she’s mooching rides from her mother, and friends and borrowing cars.
Ok, so this is the problem I have with this story:
1.) if she were saving the earth, then it would be about her using earth friendly modes of transportation
2.) If it were about her saving money, then it would be about her finding ways to find cost effective public transportation, or alternate and cost effect modes of transportation like biking.
but its not about either of those things, its about someone that said “hey, I just want to do this, so I’ll mooch rides off of people, and use other people’s gas and blog about it and get semi famous in my local news which gets picked up by CNN who probably didn’t realize that it was a story about nothing really”. I mean seriously, I could use only 1 tank of gas for months if I quit my job, mooched rides off of people and had PeaPod deliver my food (shortly before the bank foreclosed on my house and sold all of my belongings), so big freakin deal about this chick.
P.S. I just went out and checked out her “blog” and apparently a lot of people gave her crap about mooching rides and using her mother’s car. Her blog sucks, btw, just my opinion. She says that saving gas isn’t a big deal, but what is different in her case is that she’s “writing about it”... apparently she needs to stay home more and check out the millions of energy saving blogs out there... moron.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)