Still peeved at the government, but right now I think I’m pretty much dying of something horrible that makes you think you’re catching a cold, but not, and also makes your stomach rumble loudly and feel as though you’re about to either:
1.) hurl
2.) crap yourself
My morning meeting tomorrow should be a hoot.
So, its 8:30 and if my stomach doesn’t make so much noise that my storm freaked out husky thinks its thunder, I’m going to go to bed and turn up the volume so I can hear the tv over my stomach.
Guess I shouldn’t have eaten tacos tonight, eh?
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
The Post About Making Mashed Potatoes
So, while the hubby was out riding around on his Harley that I forced him to buy to get him out of the house so I could do some home improvement projects, like napping, I had a strange urge to make meatloaf and mashed potatoes for dinner. What does napping have to do with home improvement, you may be rudely interrupting my thought process and asking, well, as I’m easily distracted I’ll answer that question by saying that its quite obvious you’ve never seen me spackle a wall, so by my not doing anything that improves our home a great deal. I bet you are sorry that you asked, and now you’re thinking why making meatloaf and mashed potatoes would be blog-worthy, and my aren’t you freakin critical tonight, who peed in your wheaties?
Like most people my kitchen is pretty devoid of any sort of fresh vegetable. What? Most people have fresh vegetables? Well, aren’t we special, its probably because you don’t work a semi-full time job and have people and animals to take care of after works and... oh shut up you freakin show offs and your fresh vegetables. We do have mint for Mojitos, so there!
Anyhoo, I found these Ore-Ida Steam-n-Mash potatoes, which are REAL potatoes in a frozen bag that you microwave and TADAAAAH mashed potatoes. Yeah, I can get into that. No potatoes on the shelf sprouting plants when you are in the mood for mashed potatoes, just drag the bag out of the freezer, microwave and... what’s this crap?
The instructions tell you to use potholders and pull the top of the bag apart. Have you ever tried to pull anything apart while wearing potholders, and NO I don’t have to hear any deviant sex thing you may have done with potholders on. Its IMPOSSIBLE to pull anything open (shut up) with potholders on. I look closer at the bag and it shows a pair of scissors and a dotted line. OHHH, I’m suppose to wear potholders and cut the stupid hot bag open... and just how is one suppose to use scissors while wearing potholders, and once again, not wanting to hear any circumcision while wearing potholders story.
So, risking the skin of my hands, I took ONE of the potholders off so I could hold the scissors and cut the bag open to find... chunks of potatoes that I’m suppose to now “mash”. WTF? I have to mash the potatoes after milk and butter??? This is just like WORK!!! Why can’t they be pre-mashed? And who has a potato masher nowadays anyway... oh, actually I do. I bought one to use to make this horrible dog food glop stuff for one of our dogs back when he was sick.... and YES I washed it before I mashed the potatoes.
So, after all of that work I fed them to the hubby who looked at them and said “Microwaved mashed potatoes?” and I nearly threw them on him, I MEAN COME ON!!!! I nearly pulled a muscle mashing those things!
Like most people my kitchen is pretty devoid of any sort of fresh vegetable. What? Most people have fresh vegetables? Well, aren’t we special, its probably because you don’t work a semi-full time job and have people and animals to take care of after works and... oh shut up you freakin show offs and your fresh vegetables. We do have mint for Mojitos, so there!
Anyhoo, I found these Ore-Ida Steam-n-Mash potatoes, which are REAL potatoes in a frozen bag that you microwave and TADAAAAH mashed potatoes. Yeah, I can get into that. No potatoes on the shelf sprouting plants when you are in the mood for mashed potatoes, just drag the bag out of the freezer, microwave and... what’s this crap?
The instructions tell you to use potholders and pull the top of the bag apart. Have you ever tried to pull anything apart while wearing potholders, and NO I don’t have to hear any deviant sex thing you may have done with potholders on. Its IMPOSSIBLE to pull anything open (shut up) with potholders on. I look closer at the bag and it shows a pair of scissors and a dotted line. OHHH, I’m suppose to wear potholders and cut the stupid hot bag open... and just how is one suppose to use scissors while wearing potholders, and once again, not wanting to hear any circumcision while wearing potholders story.
So, risking the skin of my hands, I took ONE of the potholders off so I could hold the scissors and cut the bag open to find... chunks of potatoes that I’m suppose to now “mash”. WTF? I have to mash the potatoes after milk and butter??? This is just like WORK!!! Why can’t they be pre-mashed? And who has a potato masher nowadays anyway... oh, actually I do. I bought one to use to make this horrible dog food glop stuff for one of our dogs back when he was sick.... and YES I washed it before I mashed the potatoes.
So, after all of that work I fed them to the hubby who looked at them and said “Microwaved mashed potatoes?” and I nearly threw them on him, I MEAN COME ON!!!! I nearly pulled a muscle mashing those things!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Frito-Lay WTF???
The other day hubby and I went to a sandwich shop for lunch. I wanted a bag of potato chips to go with my sandwich, so I grabbed a bag of Lays potato chips... or so I thought.
What with the government concern over the obesity “epidemic” all forms of frying foods in transfat had been banned, therefore we’re now forced to choke down chips cooked in all manner of non-carcinegenic, fattening manners, such as chips fried in water, and soy, which are disgusting and vile. It didn’t surprise me to see that the bag of chips I chose were “baked”, but the “original” stamped on the package assured me that I was getting a tasty Lays chip product, so whatever.
My first clue that something was not right was when I opened the bag and discovered this:
Seriously, WTF is this? This isn’t a potato chip! This is plasterboard, and seriously, that’s what it tasted like too! It was as if some sort of horrible Star Trek transporter malfunction had taken a real potato that had been fried in tasty grease and changed it into some form of potato-chip looking thing that tasted nothing like a potato. It was so faux that if handed one of these things while blindfolded I never would have guessed “potato chip”, I most probably would have spat it out, demanded water to clean my mouth out then called my attorney. I think my exact words were “HOLY MOTHER OF GAH! What the Frick is this????”
That’s when I took a closer look at the bag and found this incriminating bit of info that should
have been the font size of the entire bag to announce to the buyer of the “chips” that this bag doesn’t contain CHIPS, it contains CRISPS. WTF??? Crisps? I hate to inform you scum sucking bastards of Frito-Lay, but crisps are English for POTATO CHIPS!!! Made the exact same way that potato chips are suppose to be made, so what the heck is your definition of “crisp”? Bits of reconstituted potato manner shaped in a form that resembles a potato chip that you hope will fool consumers? I can tell you that their look won’t fool anyone and sticking one in their mouth will totally clue them in that they aren’t eating a potato chip.
To further cover their lies, the back contains this bit of info that says that regular potato chips
have 10g per 1oz serving, but this bag of “snacks”... SNACKS? You can’t even claim them as a potato product or even a chip, and yet you throw these things in the SAME type of bag that use to contain your tasty potato chips, but add that whole BAKED! thing on there, as if we’re suppose to get all happy and excited and can’t wait to eat them, only to discover that the bag would have been tastier.
I’m tired of being lied to by paid liars. You may call them “marketing” people, but they’re nothing more than a bunch of liars! How can something be “new and improved”? If its new then how can you improve it? Its old and you improved it somehow, most likely by changing the stupid package colors... that doesn’t mean its improved! Stop lying to us, and stop trying to make us think that your craptastic “healthy” junk is tasty or even good for us! Just because you make things less fat doesn’t mean that people are going to lose weight and be healthier. Nope, good news for you is that they’ll just have to eat 40 times more of your product, and they will, but they’ll still get fat and unhealthy and in a few years we’ll all be paying for that with our wonderful government run healthcare... except that potato “crisps” will cost $5,000 with tax.
What with the government concern over the obesity “epidemic” all forms of frying foods in transfat had been banned, therefore we’re now forced to choke down chips cooked in all manner of non-carcinegenic, fattening manners, such as chips fried in water, and soy, which are disgusting and vile. It didn’t surprise me to see that the bag of chips I chose were “baked”, but the “original” stamped on the package assured me that I was getting a tasty Lays chip product, so whatever.
My first clue that something was not right was when I opened the bag and discovered this:
Seriously, WTF is this? This isn’t a potato chip! This is plasterboard, and seriously, that’s what it tasted like too! It was as if some sort of horrible Star Trek transporter malfunction had taken a real potato that had been fried in tasty grease and changed it into some form of potato-chip looking thing that tasted nothing like a potato. It was so faux that if handed one of these things while blindfolded I never would have guessed “potato chip”, I most probably would have spat it out, demanded water to clean my mouth out then called my attorney. I think my exact words were “HOLY MOTHER OF GAH! What the Frick is this????”
That’s when I took a closer look at the bag and found this incriminating bit of info that should
have been the font size of the entire bag to announce to the buyer of the “chips” that this bag doesn’t contain CHIPS, it contains CRISPS. WTF??? Crisps? I hate to inform you scum sucking bastards of Frito-Lay, but crisps are English for POTATO CHIPS!!! Made the exact same way that potato chips are suppose to be made, so what the heck is your definition of “crisp”? Bits of reconstituted potato manner shaped in a form that resembles a potato chip that you hope will fool consumers? I can tell you that their look won’t fool anyone and sticking one in their mouth will totally clue them in that they aren’t eating a potato chip.To further cover their lies, the back contains this bit of info that says that regular potato chips
have 10g per 1oz serving, but this bag of “snacks”... SNACKS? You can’t even claim them as a potato product or even a chip, and yet you throw these things in the SAME type of bag that use to contain your tasty potato chips, but add that whole BAKED! thing on there, as if we’re suppose to get all happy and excited and can’t wait to eat them, only to discover that the bag would have been tastier.I’m tired of being lied to by paid liars. You may call them “marketing” people, but they’re nothing more than a bunch of liars! How can something be “new and improved”? If its new then how can you improve it? Its old and you improved it somehow, most likely by changing the stupid package colors... that doesn’t mean its improved! Stop lying to us, and stop trying to make us think that your craptastic “healthy” junk is tasty or even good for us! Just because you make things less fat doesn’t mean that people are going to lose weight and be healthier. Nope, good news for you is that they’ll just have to eat 40 times more of your product, and they will, but they’ll still get fat and unhealthy and in a few years we’ll all be paying for that with our wonderful government run healthcare... except that potato “crisps” will cost $5,000 with tax.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Always gotta be something
This morning I called the health department to rat out our neighbors, who have apparently abandoned their house, let it go to hell, and now have a mosquito breeding ground in their half crap filled swimming pool. I asked what the process was, hoping to hear the woman cheerfully say that they’ll immediately send a crew to clean up everything and give the house to very nice people who love mowing their neighbors’ lawns and cooking for them, but all I got was: um, we post notices and try to contact the owners and there might be citations and fines.
That’s it? They don’t care about their house to the point where they dumped crap in their pool and left it like that, do you actually think a citation will compel them to fix up a house they’re foreclosing on? “oh”, she chirped, “they will throw some mosquito poison stuff in the pool”. Great! That’ll make the future crack den I live next to even better. I didn’t leave my name... just felt safer that way.
I suffered throughout the stupid Sotomayor hearing thing today. Apparently every Senator has to give an opening statement. I don’t know why, other than to pee on each other and pretty much tell the world how they’re going to vote. Why bother asking her any questions, save us all some money and just let her in already and get on with ruining the country faster with crappy, expensive healthcare, investigations into things that happened 8 years ago, pointing fingers and calling everyone liars, and making me put skylights on my house to “green” it up before I sell it. Frankly, anyone that wants my house will also love having the crack den from hell next door. I did think the funniest thing said was by Senator Kauffman who said “Whoever comes to the Supreme Court better come with no balls and no strikes”. hehehe, he said no balls. I also sat and drooled a bit by the new Minnesota Senator, Mr. Franken, who spent his time talking about himself and seemed to forget why he was actually talking. Mr. Leahy did say that nobody was above the law because that’s not what a Democracy is. Well, unfortunately for Mr. Leahy, we actually live in a Republic, so perhaps he better go to whatever Democratic country he thinks he lives in.
The funniest back and forth I’ve seen in a while was between Stuart Varney and Ms. Meme Roth, who seems to be some anti-obesity person. The argument was that Delta Airline was only making stewardess uniforms up to size 18 and no larger. Apparently this rubbed some larger stewardesses (oops, I mean flight attendants) wrong. Here’s the exchange. I have to side on Ms. Roth’s side on this one frankly... go ahead and hate me all you want, but if I’m on a burning airplane, I don’t want a size 26 flight attendant in my way, its bad enough I gotta deal with other people and small children in those miniscule aisles and seats. I want someone I can heave to the side and make my escape, so the thinner the better.
I don’t even want to go into the fun-fest of my car insurance company, who seems to have their heads up their asses, and now I have to call them tomorrow and yell at them. I also have my 2 week foot recheck. I have to say that I actually like my boot, Larry (or Larwii). Its very comforting and frankly a good excuse to use the elevator to go up one floor.
I’m going to go up and stare at the tv mindlessly and eat those pure sugar faux flavored ice pops by the handful.
That’s it? They don’t care about their house to the point where they dumped crap in their pool and left it like that, do you actually think a citation will compel them to fix up a house they’re foreclosing on? “oh”, she chirped, “they will throw some mosquito poison stuff in the pool”. Great! That’ll make the future crack den I live next to even better. I didn’t leave my name... just felt safer that way.
I suffered throughout the stupid Sotomayor hearing thing today. Apparently every Senator has to give an opening statement. I don’t know why, other than to pee on each other and pretty much tell the world how they’re going to vote. Why bother asking her any questions, save us all some money and just let her in already and get on with ruining the country faster with crappy, expensive healthcare, investigations into things that happened 8 years ago, pointing fingers and calling everyone liars, and making me put skylights on my house to “green” it up before I sell it. Frankly, anyone that wants my house will also love having the crack den from hell next door. I did think the funniest thing said was by Senator Kauffman who said “Whoever comes to the Supreme Court better come with no balls and no strikes”. hehehe, he said no balls. I also sat and drooled a bit by the new Minnesota Senator, Mr. Franken, who spent his time talking about himself and seemed to forget why he was actually talking. Mr. Leahy did say that nobody was above the law because that’s not what a Democracy is. Well, unfortunately for Mr. Leahy, we actually live in a Republic, so perhaps he better go to whatever Democratic country he thinks he lives in.
The funniest back and forth I’ve seen in a while was between Stuart Varney and Ms. Meme Roth, who seems to be some anti-obesity person. The argument was that Delta Airline was only making stewardess uniforms up to size 18 and no larger. Apparently this rubbed some larger stewardesses (oops, I mean flight attendants) wrong. Here’s the exchange. I have to side on Ms. Roth’s side on this one frankly... go ahead and hate me all you want, but if I’m on a burning airplane, I don’t want a size 26 flight attendant in my way, its bad enough I gotta deal with other people and small children in those miniscule aisles and seats. I want someone I can heave to the side and make my escape, so the thinner the better.
I don’t even want to go into the fun-fest of my car insurance company, who seems to have their heads up their asses, and now I have to call them tomorrow and yell at them. I also have my 2 week foot recheck. I have to say that I actually like my boot, Larry (or Larwii). Its very comforting and frankly a good excuse to use the elevator to go up one floor.
I’m going to go up and stare at the tv mindlessly and eat those pure sugar faux flavored ice pops by the handful.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
New Stuff
Hubby got his Harley today, he’s out riding it around. I got my new mondo huge iMac yesterday and I’m test driving it. After staring at a 15 inch screen for years, the 24 inch screen takes some getting use to. Its HUGE and bright and I don’t have to lean over and squint any more. I’m guessing cartooning will be a lot easier on it, and already downloaded the trial version of Corel Painter on it to see if the expensive ultra mega mega full blown version is better than the elements version I’ve been using.
I have to say, I LOVE the new huge screen, and I’m hoping it’ll get me motivated to do more with cartooning and stuff, but generally just getting use to how bright it is is the biggest adjustment.
I’ve decided that the medium Wacom Intuos4 pad will be the way to go. I just don’t have enough desk space for the large pad, so that’ll be a cost saver right there. Actually the biggest issue is where to park the mondo huge Harley, as it won’t seem to fit under our front porch, and just parking it in the driveway is more than hubby can handle because even though he bought a cover, parking it out in the elements is akin to cruel and unusual punishment for the motorcycle. Hey, whatever, he’s happy (out riding around even as I type), and we can accommodate whatever vroomy needs to keep him happy.
Its going to be hard to keep up with the housework and stuff now that I have a cool new computer, but with hubby out on the bike cruising around, I don’t think he’ll notice, nor care. I do have a ton of laundry sitting in the bathroom right now that I should be doing, but I have a new toy, screw the laundry, besides, there’s one more day in the weekend to do all of that horrible housework stuff.
Hubby did mow the front lawn, which means I can now call the health department on the neighbors who have apparently abandoned their house. Every time I go outside I’m armed with the mosquito zapper tennis racket thing to kill the swarms that attack me and the dogs. Poor things don’t like going outside because they get attacked, and frankly I’m not too thrilled about that. We can’t even go on our deck without getting eaten alive.
So, today was good. Motorcycle, new iMac, spent some time with some friends at their engagement party, ate some good food, the only thing missing was a nap, so I need to schedule one of those for tomorrow in between loads of laundry.
That’s about it, no ranting today.
I have to say, I LOVE the new huge screen, and I’m hoping it’ll get me motivated to do more with cartooning and stuff, but generally just getting use to how bright it is is the biggest adjustment.
I’ve decided that the medium Wacom Intuos4 pad will be the way to go. I just don’t have enough desk space for the large pad, so that’ll be a cost saver right there. Actually the biggest issue is where to park the mondo huge Harley, as it won’t seem to fit under our front porch, and just parking it in the driveway is more than hubby can handle because even though he bought a cover, parking it out in the elements is akin to cruel and unusual punishment for the motorcycle. Hey, whatever, he’s happy (out riding around even as I type), and we can accommodate whatever vroomy needs to keep him happy.
Its going to be hard to keep up with the housework and stuff now that I have a cool new computer, but with hubby out on the bike cruising around, I don’t think he’ll notice, nor care. I do have a ton of laundry sitting in the bathroom right now that I should be doing, but I have a new toy, screw the laundry, besides, there’s one more day in the weekend to do all of that horrible housework stuff.
Hubby did mow the front lawn, which means I can now call the health department on the neighbors who have apparently abandoned their house. Every time I go outside I’m armed with the mosquito zapper tennis racket thing to kill the swarms that attack me and the dogs. Poor things don’t like going outside because they get attacked, and frankly I’m not too thrilled about that. We can’t even go on our deck without getting eaten alive.
So, today was good. Motorcycle, new iMac, spent some time with some friends at their engagement party, ate some good food, the only thing missing was a nap, so I need to schedule one of those for tomorrow in between loads of laundry.
That’s about it, no ranting today.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Dear Chantix, you LIAR and stumps
Ok, so the last time we talked I was begging for detachable feet or at the very least something with a bit more of a kick in it like Vicodin, because its not very adult to stand in the middle of a mall weeping because your feet hurt and you still had half a mall before you even got to the Apple store and there’s just no way you can make it back to the truck even if that’s where the Starbucks was.
What does this have to do with Dear Chantix you may ask? Well, apparently now my dearest Chantix must come with a warning label that says you shouldn’t believe the voices that Chantix plants in your head about leaping off of buildings or flinging yourself into traffic... which are very compelling. Yep, apparently the FDA, who is right on the ball with recalling tainted food products (hehehe, I wrote taint) days after hundreds are sickened, are now requiring that warning labels be affixed to the dear Chantix that warns you about suicidal thoughts and depression. Of course, you’ll have to get through the whole crapping your pants and double over stomach pains warnings before hitting that little gem of information. The thing that cracks me up the most about this article is this quote:
“The antidepressant Wellbutrin, which has the same active ingredient as GlaxoSmithKline PLC's Zyban, already carries such a warning.” AHAHAHAAAAAAA seriously? An antidepressant that makes you depressed? That’s all sorts of genius isn’t it???
Ok, back to the whole feet drama, yes I was weeping and keening in the middle of a mall because it was Apple store or abject pain in my feet and the whole stubborn “I’m not going to beg my husband to drive the car into the mall to pick me up so that I don’t have to walk any farther” drama. There’s also never a handicapped person on a scamp around when you need to hijack one. I did make it to the apple store and back, but it was touch and go.
Monday morning I sat on hold with the obnoxiously happy hold music (which needs to come with its own disclaimer that when your feet hurt you may be tempted to kill innocent people while being on hold) only to be told that my X-rays were negative. Seriously? So that’s suppose to be comforting that there’s nothing medically wrong with me that can be seen by X-ray so the agony of walking is all in my head or something??? I called the podiatrist and when they asked how severe the pain was I told them that if I didn’t get an appointment in the next few hours they needed to turn on the local news to see me holding up the local CVS for crutches and vicodin, and they kindly squeezed me into an afternoon slot.
Note to self: find new podiatrist as their office is located in a cell phone dead spot... I was seen after three games of mahjong and years of foot doctor school qualified my sadistic podiatrist to gently press on the very areas that would cause me to leap from the half chair thing and scream like a little girl. Apparently this means I hosed up my ankle and stress fractured one of those little foot bones that are integral to the whole walking without pain process. I was summarily strapped into a stylish gray ski boot and given a prescription for stronger NSAIDS (and the next day the FDA says those will make my liver explode, but between suicidal Chantix and exploding liver and feet of pain, I’m pretty sure that years of military alcohol abuse has pickled my liver to a point where nothing could harm it short of a spear or vacation in a third world country where I wake up in a bathtub full of ice).
Anyhoo, I get to wear the nice boot for two weeks (during the summer... how quaint) and go back for a check up and then probably more time in the boot, and frankly I think this is a great way to save money on left shoes. I can at least walk halfway normal and without too much pain, but I’m sick of telling people HOW I hurt my foot. Seriously, I hurt it running in place during Wii Active.... no really... fine, I was injured in a bar fight. Ok, fine, I was parachuting the other day... no really a bear was in the yard attacking my neighbor (seriously, I’d actually take video of the mauling and sell it to TMZ or something), no really, its a wiinjury and no I’m not suing... unless you’re a lawyer and want to represent me and then I’m all about the horrible pain and suffering and stuff.
Yeah, so I’m waiting for the elevator at work and it hits the 2nd floor and as usual, someone starts to walk out because they think its the 1st floor and just how lazy can a person be to take an elevator down 1 floor... then I hobble in with my boot and they get all “oh, you have a reason” looking and even say something about “oh yeah, you need to take the elevator because you have a broken foot”, to which I say to them “um, no I don’t” and just stand there and stare at the top of the elevator door trying not to laugh. Tomorrow if someone asks what I did to my foot I’m going to say “um, nothing, why?”
What does this have to do with Dear Chantix you may ask? Well, apparently now my dearest Chantix must come with a warning label that says you shouldn’t believe the voices that Chantix plants in your head about leaping off of buildings or flinging yourself into traffic... which are very compelling. Yep, apparently the FDA, who is right on the ball with recalling tainted food products (hehehe, I wrote taint) days after hundreds are sickened, are now requiring that warning labels be affixed to the dear Chantix that warns you about suicidal thoughts and depression. Of course, you’ll have to get through the whole crapping your pants and double over stomach pains warnings before hitting that little gem of information. The thing that cracks me up the most about this article is this quote:
“The antidepressant Wellbutrin, which has the same active ingredient as GlaxoSmithKline PLC's Zyban, already carries such a warning.” AHAHAHAAAAAAA seriously? An antidepressant that makes you depressed? That’s all sorts of genius isn’t it???
Ok, back to the whole feet drama, yes I was weeping and keening in the middle of a mall because it was Apple store or abject pain in my feet and the whole stubborn “I’m not going to beg my husband to drive the car into the mall to pick me up so that I don’t have to walk any farther” drama. There’s also never a handicapped person on a scamp around when you need to hijack one. I did make it to the apple store and back, but it was touch and go.
Monday morning I sat on hold with the obnoxiously happy hold music (which needs to come with its own disclaimer that when your feet hurt you may be tempted to kill innocent people while being on hold) only to be told that my X-rays were negative. Seriously? So that’s suppose to be comforting that there’s nothing medically wrong with me that can be seen by X-ray so the agony of walking is all in my head or something??? I called the podiatrist and when they asked how severe the pain was I told them that if I didn’t get an appointment in the next few hours they needed to turn on the local news to see me holding up the local CVS for crutches and vicodin, and they kindly squeezed me into an afternoon slot.
Note to self: find new podiatrist as their office is located in a cell phone dead spot... I was seen after three games of mahjong and years of foot doctor school qualified my sadistic podiatrist to gently press on the very areas that would cause me to leap from the half chair thing and scream like a little girl. Apparently this means I hosed up my ankle and stress fractured one of those little foot bones that are integral to the whole walking without pain process. I was summarily strapped into a stylish gray ski boot and given a prescription for stronger NSAIDS (and the next day the FDA says those will make my liver explode, but between suicidal Chantix and exploding liver and feet of pain, I’m pretty sure that years of military alcohol abuse has pickled my liver to a point where nothing could harm it short of a spear or vacation in a third world country where I wake up in a bathtub full of ice).
Anyhoo, I get to wear the nice boot for two weeks (during the summer... how quaint) and go back for a check up and then probably more time in the boot, and frankly I think this is a great way to save money on left shoes. I can at least walk halfway normal and without too much pain, but I’m sick of telling people HOW I hurt my foot. Seriously, I hurt it running in place during Wii Active.... no really... fine, I was injured in a bar fight. Ok, fine, I was parachuting the other day... no really a bear was in the yard attacking my neighbor (seriously, I’d actually take video of the mauling and sell it to TMZ or something), no really, its a wiinjury and no I’m not suing... unless you’re a lawyer and want to represent me and then I’m all about the horrible pain and suffering and stuff.
Yeah, so I’m waiting for the elevator at work and it hits the 2nd floor and as usual, someone starts to walk out because they think its the 1st floor and just how lazy can a person be to take an elevator down 1 floor... then I hobble in with my boot and they get all “oh, you have a reason” looking and even say something about “oh yeah, you need to take the elevator because you have a broken foot”, to which I say to them “um, no I don’t” and just stand there and stare at the top of the elevator door trying not to laugh. Tomorrow if someone asks what I did to my foot I’m going to say “um, nothing, why?”
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