An Open Letter to Women that Hover

Toilet seats were made SPECIFICALLY for women! They are hard plastic for sanitary reasons, meant for you to plop your bare butt on them and take care of your business.

Contrary to popular belief, you cannot:
1. Get pregnant
2. Catch a STD
3. Die

from sitting on a toilet seat (husband’s reading this, if your wife has told you this, she’s a big fat liar liar pants on fire!)

If you’re so freakin phobic of catching cooties from a toilet seat then take advantage of the paper toilet seat covers found in most rest rooms, and if you are absolutely freaking paranoid that they will be out when you go pee, then for gawd’s sake carry a supply of your own and some antibacterial wipes...

BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD STOP HOVERING OVER THE SEAT AND PEEING ON IT!!!

If everyone just used the toilet the way you’re suppose to use a toilet there wouldn’t be a need for toilet seat covers, but you incredibly disgusting hoverers pee all over the seat and make it gross for the next NORMAL person taking a pee. Even if normal people use one of those flimsy toilet seat covers, your urine soaks through the freakin thing so not only are we sitting in pee, but now we have a fucking paper in the shape of a toilet seat stuck to our asses.

If you can’t stop hovering then just pee on the freakin floor!

It May Be time

I think I may have to sue Careerbuilding.com. I swear, the ad people are in my head, they see what I do everyday, and they make commercials about it.




They missed the part where you daydream about swerving into passing gas trucks, but that's pretty close.

Please note, I would never swerve into a passing gas truck... unless I was sure it was full and I could take out a few choice people, like that would ever happen.

By the way, the "sit next to this guy" is Vork!

Excuse me while I go mop up the brain matter that's leaking out of my head from today's work.