Hiding Out

Either I’m smacked upside the head with some kind of seasonal affective disorder (SAD... yeah, cute fucking acronym) or that hot dog I ate while freezing my ass off at some non-profit standing in the freezing cold trying to sell cute stuffed animals event thing has poisoned me. Since I’ve been unmotivated going on two weeks and I just ate the hot dog two days ago, I’m guessing I’m in a pissy mood from the season and a crappy mood from the hot dog... if you get my drift.

While most people look forward to the Christmas season, I only look forward to the wonderful time off of the Christmas season, certainly not the manic, glazed eyed, rude butt heads that crowd the malls and trample innocent people to death in their quest for a $20 off DVD player. I have a routine, that routine is that I drive to a Starbucks, expect to find a parking spot within 5 miles of the Starbucks, and not have to stand in line behind 5,000 people who have apparently never been to a Starbucks and require the cashier to explain each and every ingredient in each and every drink. I also don’t like the people that order, and even though there are 4,000 people waiting on their drink, feel compelled to rush the bar where the completed drinks are placed and hover, waiting for their drink and blocking the little landing pad area. I also hate those hovering people that feel that the very first venti latte plopped on that landing pad area is their venti latte, even though 3,499 people ahead of them ordered a venti latte... and heaven help them if they’re reaching for my venti latte.

Yep, Christmas only means inconvenience to me, I hate it. I don’t “do” Christmas, and don’t go rushing off and assume that I’m jewish, I am not. There are other religions that don’t celebrate Christmas other than the Jews, so go enlighten yourself and find out what they are, then maybe I won’t smack you upside the head when you exclaim to me “I didn’t know you were jewish”. You can wish me a Merry Christmas, if that’s what you celebrate, but don’t expect me to wish it back, although I may say “same to you”, but I do that with travel agents too when they tell me to have a good trip. “You too!” I yell... then fall to the floor and convulse because I’m an idiot and have been trained to just spew random niceties at people without first thinking about what I’m saying. “Sorry for your loss” “You too!”

Ok, back to my lack of motivation... its very lacking. So lacking that I’m surprised I have enough motivation to remember to breathe, and frankly I did feel somewhat faint at work today, so maybe I did forget to breathe. I have just enough motivation to go to work, sit and stare, come home, sit and stare, go to bed. This wouldn’t be too much of a problem, except that I have things that I told people that I would do. Maybe that’s the whole problem right there... commitment. Seems like a lot of work, even though its not really work, but the moment I told someone I would do something and assigned a rather generic time frame to the moment of when I would actually do it... it immediately became work.

Maybe I don’t have SAD. Maybe I have WAD... but that sounds rather vulgar. I’m so unmotivated.