Have You Seen This Bag?

An APB (all purse bulletin) has been released.

Have you seen this bag?

This bag is wanted internationally.

Name: Adrienne Vittadini
Description: soft leather bag
Wanted for: being the perfect leather bag
Last seen: October 2003 issue of Real Simple magazine
Whereabouts: unknown

If you have seen this bag, please notify this blogger immediately.



This bag is to be considered soft and perfect. Care should be taken when approaching this bag as you will undoubtedly want it and must have it. Don't attempt to buy this bag if it is the only bag available because if you flaunt it in front of this blogger, she will hunt you down and become hysterical, wanting to touch it and just put it on her shoulder just once, really, I'll give it back to you after I try it on.

Knock offs of this bag are acceptable if the leather is buttery soft.

Please find this bag and make a bag-a-holic (or two, or 5,000) happy.

Its all fake (well, some of it)

So, Fox news was all up in arms today because they found out that some of the fireworks for the opening ceremony of the olympics was computer generated, and that one little girl was lip syncing to the voice of another little girl who wasn’t “pretty” enough to be in the ceremony.

Let’s see. They had a reportedly 15,000 people performing during the opening ceremonies, which was one of the most impressive displays of synchronized performing, with amazing computer generated and video generated accompaniment, and Fox is miffed about some things not being what they appeared to be.

Hmm, read no further if you don’t want to read spoilers:

1.) Singers lip sync ALL THE TIME DUH!
2.) Actors don’t do their own stunts
3.) Everything in the movies is computer generated, fake, false, misleading and totally bogus.
4.) There are no real superheros!!!!

Get over it Fox, it was still pretty impressive and if the U.S. tried to pull something off like that, invariably they would have been forced to use a Windows product for the floor screen and would have been required to reboot it no less than 6 times.

The press has revealed that the latest “fad” is Pregorexia. Women with eating disorders get pregnant and do everything they can to not gain weight during the pregnancy, namely actresses. Of course, this doesn’t bode well for the poor baby, but really, do we need another name for it? These stick thin actresses are ALREADY anorexic, so do they get a whole new disorder name just because they get pregnant? They are anorexic and happen to be pregnant. I’m guessing that like everything else in their faux, pretend, bend over backwards to give them whatever they want lives, that the reality of having to gain weight in order to have a normal child is beyond their capability... except after the birth when they whore out the kid’s pictures to a tabloid for a million.

I need to start drinking more, or allowing my sanity to slip some more.

Weekly Rambling

I really need to find a job where I can blog during work hours so I can keep up with the thoughts in my head.

1.) We've had an invasion of little red ants in our kitchen. They invaded my lucky charms, they were climbing on the cabinets, very annoying. The last straw was opening the simple human trash can and seeing the contents moving around. There was a whole ant reunion party going on in there. Since we have dogs and since I don't want to poison my dogs, I tried putting cornstarch baby powder at the bottom of the door (where the ant congo line was forming) and they just figured a way around that, so toxic spray was the only way to go. Since I didn't have toxic spray, I squirted some Skintastic mosquito spray on them. I figured it would just piss them off and make them go away, but actually it killed them on contact. Hey, cool! So, if you want to kill ants and don't want to poison your dogs or cats, use Skintastic on ants. They're dead, mosquitos will stay away and it has that lovely smell.

2.) I caught a summer cold (that I'm still blowing green crap out of my nose, and yes I know its probably a sinus infection, just shut up I'm in denial), and realized that out of the shelves and shelves of over the counter medication out there, there's never anything that totally fits the symptoms of your cold. I wish they had Garanimal drugs for people, mix and match stuff that you could take for your symptoms. I'll have 1 runny nose, 1 sneezing, 1 watery eyes, but no cough and no aches please.

3.) I saw a commercial for "The National Review" which stated "Liberal Democrats are readier than ever..." Readier? Doesn't that just sound totally wrong. Not "as ready as ever", readier... liberal democrats are morons. (Author note: This last part was suppose to read "... and liberal democrats are morons?" but apparently in my lack of sleep, over the counter medicated state, totally botched that ending and apologize to Michelle and the other tree hugging liberal democrats for not making it perfectly clear that I think "The National Review" isn't even fit to use as toilet paper)

4.) Some moron on FOX news was complaining that ICE raids deny the rights of illegal aliens. Um... if they are illegal THEN THEY DON'T HAVE ANY RIGHTS.

5.) Nancy Pelosi... when did she become Queen and rule the U.S.?

6.) The Orlando Anthony family - I'm pretty sure that this whole missing kid thing is just a totally elaborate reality tv show joke on the entire world. Nobody could be that stupid, gullible, and so over the top whack job. If it isn't a cruel joke on the world, then the kid is certainly dead, the mother did it, and grandma will still think that it was a conspiracy.

7.) Olympic athlete denied a visa to China because of the athlete's outspoken opinion about China's involvement in Darfur. Um, if you are there to run a race, shut up and run and do the politic crap in your non-running times.

8.) Bret Favre... who cares.

9.) Electro shock therapy is the new rage in depression treatment. The side effect: short term memory loss.... hmmm, that might make work a bit more bearable actually, where do I sign up?

10.) Osteen lawsuit. I'm sure Ms. Osteen was a bitch and threw a hissy in first class, but causing the flight attendant to get hemorrhoids? mmmmm nah. I'm sure the flight attendant will win anyway.

That's your weekly news wrap up.

Now Here's Justice

Shia LaBeouf (pictured right) was involved in a late night auto accident that has apparently "crushed" his hand. Lucky for him he has a slew of lawyers, independent investigators, and a movie studio behind him to "make his DUI go away" and throw the blame for the whole distasteful incident on the other driver, who now, apparently, was speeding, running a red light, not even looking where he was going, rolling coins, and doing his laundry when he happened to run into the mega movie star. I'm pretty sure that during the star studded trial, he will also be fingered for kidnapping and subsequently killing the Lindbergh baby despite the fact that he probably hadn't even been born yet. What dumb luck for this poor schmuck that he couldn't just run into an average citizen and merely have some points taken off his license. I smell definite jail time and a ruined life ahead for this guy.

But never fear, that new Transformers movie will still be coming out, because Mr. LaBeouf's employer has vowed to wait as long as necessary for Mr. LaBeouf (pictured above) to recover, and if they must, they'll write the injury into the script. Isn't it great that others who suffer injuries through no fault of their own have their jobs held or modified to accommodate their injuries. Why are you laughing?

Mr. LaBeouf (pictured above) is preparing himself for future roles that accommodate his new injury, and is expected to bring the "one arm man" in the Fugitive to new dimensions.

It Makes the Brain Bubble

It doesn’t take much to make my brain bubble these past few weeks. Yes, I haven’t blogged in a while, that’s because after the whole Benadryl gulping poison ivy incident, I actually did catch a summer cold that really kicked my butt and threw me into bed for a few days doped up on whatever I could find in the medicine cabinet that would make the niagra falls raging out of my nose stop.

Last week was a blur, so I decided to catch up on some news. Hmm, random bus riders hacking the heads off of sleeping passengers, workers getting fired and going postal and shooting their former co-workers, anthrax scientists committing suicide... wow, where is a really good “feel good” story.

Well, there it is: Woman attempts to drive all summer on one tank of gas.

Ok, admirable, not only from a cost saving aspect, but she’s getting all that attention because of the “climate change” fanatics out there applauding her pluck and courage to downsize her life and save the earth (insert sarcastic laughter here).

Being the cynic that I am, and still hopped up on cold pills, before I even clicked on the link to read it, here was my spin of the “story”:

A stay at home mom who uses cloth diapers (which actually waste more water in their cleaning and are worse for the earth because of the detergents spewed into the ground than dumping crap-filled plastic diapers in a landfill) and walks to the grocery store with her re-usable grocery bags has sacrificed her daily drive to the mall where she walks with her children lashed into strollers with the rest of her non-working yuppie public breastfeeding moms in their goal to get better calves for summer skorts while talking trash about their friends over starbucks and a cinnabon.

Side rant here - why do people actually DRIVE to a mall to walk? Can’t they simply walk out of their front door and walk around the block? Must they actually drive to a mall? Sure, its nice and air conditioned there, but isn’t the whole purpose of walking to sweat a little and get exercise? And why is it that when I was lined up outside the Apple store for the new 3G iPhone, that a gaggle of old mall walkers actually cursed us for being in their “walking route”? Um, excuse me but I’m here supporting the stores that are in the mall by purchasing their wares, keeping them open for business, while you simply take up the air conditioning with your old, don’t flush the toilet every time you use it to save on water, reeking of perfume because your sense of smell died around the same time your sense of fashion did old person odor, so stop the tude old dude.

Anyhoo, I digress, back to driving all summer on one tank of gas woman. I was pleasantly surprised to read that miss save gas woman was actually a working person who was utilizing alternate modes of transportation in her bid to... well, I’m not sure exactly what the whole point of her trying to go all summer with only one tank of gas, since there were references to her being “green” but that she wasn’t a tree hugger by any stretch, and she wasn’t exactly trying to save money really, it was more like “hey, lets see if I can do it” so there really wasn’t a purpose to her doing it. It wasn’t as though she was going to lose her house if she didn’t cut out the gas consumption, or she was going hungry because of it, it was more like a “hey, I wonder if” thing... so she really had no reason other than just trying. Ok, sorta defeats the whole purpose of reason, but whatever... she’s trying... um, wait a minute... she’s mooching rides from her mother, and friends and borrowing cars.

Ok, so this is the problem I have with this story:
1.) if she were saving the earth, then it would be about her using earth friendly modes of transportation
2.) If it were about her saving money, then it would be about her finding ways to find cost effective public transportation, or alternate and cost effect modes of transportation like biking.

but its not about either of those things, its about someone that said “hey, I just want to do this, so I’ll mooch rides off of people, and use other people’s gas and blog about it and get semi famous in my local news which gets picked up by CNN who probably didn’t realize that it was a story about nothing really”. I mean seriously, I could use only 1 tank of gas for months if I quit my job, mooched rides off of people and had PeaPod deliver my food (shortly before the bank foreclosed on my house and sold all of my belongings), so big freakin deal about this chick.

P.S. I just went out and checked out her “blog” and apparently a lot of people gave her crap about mooching rides and using her mother’s car. Her blog sucks, btw, just my opinion. She says that saving gas isn’t a big deal, but what is different in her case is that she’s “writing about it”... apparently she needs to stay home more and check out the millions of energy saving blogs out there... moron.

Blog Brain Interface

That’s what I need. Invariably I’m upstairs in the kitchen doing something and a fantastic, wonderful, very wise rant will come to mind and I totally write it in my head, but by the time I get in front of the computer... gone. Total blank, lost the whole wonderful rant.

Therefore I need a direct interface from my brain to blogger, although that might get a bit dangerous as I could be (for instance and not like I actually do this or thought of this or had this happen, this is just an example so I don’t want anyone saying that this has actually happened to me and spread it around like it actually has, this is just an example) in the bathroom and find a strange pimple thing somewhere private and I could think “gee, that’s a strange pimple-thing somewhere private” and the next thing I know, that’s being posted on this blog.

Ok, so I’m trying to think of what I did tonight that I got all riled up about:

I was cooking and, of course, had to cut open the big bag of cheese that has the “easy opening” that is impossible to open and the re-sealable bag that is impossible to reseal so it got dumped into a gallon zip lock bag. No, I’ve already covered that one.

Pulling out some reynolds wrap only to have a little end of it get trapped so that I’m pulling out a bit less than a full sheet and will end up with a tiny shred on the roll when the whole thing is gone if I don’t put a stop to it right now. No, that’s annoying, but not rant worthy.

Cursing for going to 14 different stores today with a list AND coupons (watch out, the world could be ending) and forgetting something that I didn’t have on the list, but really needed, like liverwurst and coffee. Ok, liverwurst is for the dogs, I hide their pills in there, but the coffee is vital. Luckily I still have enough beans in the grinder for a day or two, so its not total freak out run to 7-11 at 2 a.m. for my fix type of need to get coffee moments... but it could end up that way if I don’t write it down, then remember the stupid list.

I’m also pretty much convinced that the poison ivy era has passed, but now we have renegade mosquitos in the house that are eating me alive. How one of them could land on my forehead without me being aware is beyond me, but I have an itchy bite on my forehead and on my neck. I think they are stealth mosquitos. I look like a chewed corncob or a leper.

The big laugh of the night came from the Real Simple magazine I bought. When that magazine first came out, I thought it would be really cool to read about how to do simple things. After reading it, I realized that it must not be a magazine on how to do simple things, because everything in there is so obvious and I already do it... therefore the magazine must be called Real Simple for its audience, who must have no brain whatsoever.

I digress, anyway I saw an ad in the magazine for “a way to easily remove embedded pet hair from upholstery” The bold is what they put in their ad. I laugh, I laugh hysterically at their claims. I even watched the “demo” on their site and laughed some more. The mere pittance of dog hair they demonstrated that thing on. Sure it looks amazing on the video, but I’ll be going out to get one of those beauties tomorrow to test out on REAL fur, the fur of three Siberian Huskies. Now THAT’S fur!

The results of my test will be published on the Husky Review.

What a relief

I know that all of you have been really concerned, and somewhat frightened, but thankfully the list came out today... and we aren’t going to lose ANY of the starbucks in my area.

Yes, you can all come out of hiding now, there’s no reason to be afraid any more. I’m thankful to say that the Starbucks at the Arundel Mills strip mall, the one at the Safeway in the strip mall, the one across the street at the mall, AND the brand new one less than a mile down the road from there will all remain open... THANK GAWD!!!!

Of course, I won’t be going to Annapolis any time soon, because there’s only 1 Starbucks every mile as opposed to one per block, so dang, how can I survive there?

In case you need to check the list, here it is I hope you aren’t forced to go an extra block to get your fix.

We interupt the previously scheduled blog post...

I was going to tell everyone all about my exciting time at a Star Trek convention yesterday, but that would require being able to type and think at the same time, which I'm not capable of right now.

No, I'm not drunk, I'm actually hopped up on a butt load of Benadryl. No, I don't have a cold (my gah you have a lot of questions, just shut up so I can tell you already)!

Last week I was doing yard clean up. Seeing how we prefer to let things grow wild until either we can't find our front door, or we feel that the neighbors are about to contact the county and bitch about our suburban woodlands effect, it was a full time fun fest that left me sweaty, tired, and with a clogged nose. Toward the end of this exercise in futility (as wildlife tends to continue growing unless you totally poison the yard), I came upon this vine thing that was growing out of control in the side of our yard. Undaunted, I proceeded to cut and pull this vine thing out of the ground and shove it into a garbage bag, pretty much slathering the vine thing all over my arms and legs in the process. While I was doing this I thought to myself "now does poison ivy have 3 or 5 leaves?"

Well, turns out it is 3 leaves, and turns out that yes, I was wallowing in poison ivy last weekend.

FYI: poison ivy takes a few days to kick your butt, so I was getting really mad when I started breaking out in little bumps and blamed the dogs for bringing in fleas, or for allowing illegal mosquitoes to hitch hike on their backs and bite me. When the rash broke out, I was still in denial, an itchy, agonizing denial, but denial nonetheless.

I've used about every topical ointment out there that promises "fast, long lasting relief". I'm sure their definition of "long lasting" is all of an hour, but my definition of "long lasting" would be a year if not more, so I'm going to sue. They also say "doesn't burn", but the fine print does say "this product will burn and cause you to run screaming from room to room in your underwear about 3 seconds after applying this lotion to insect bites or rashes caused by poison ivy if you've spent the past 15 minutes using the sharp end of a scissor to itch that spot prior to apply this lotion". That definitely needs to be in bigger print somewhere.

So, thanks to WebMD and other poor schmucks who have posted pictures of themselves all rashy and swollen from poison ivy, I was able to determine that yes, I have it, and that I should continue slathering anti-itch lotions on it (but not right after using a cheese grater to get some relief) and that an antihistamine would help with the swelling and irritation. I took 50mg of Benadryl, which is why I am now able to write a rambling three page blog entry that only includes 1 period.

Its been 10 minutes, I'm going to go lather up in more ointment and fall asleep while sitting on the toilet now.

Mystery Feet Discovery

I’m sure you’ve probably heard about the feet that keep washing ashore in British Colombia recently. Nobody is quite sure where the feet are coming from, or who they belong to. There is a lot of speculation on the origins of the feet and how they came to be washed ashore and found.

The latest information about the feet came in the form of DNA testing which shows that one full set of feet actually belong to the same person, a man. Another foot belonged to a woman. The authorities have released pictures of the shoes in hopes that family members recognize the shoes and can help reveal who the feet belonged to, and how they washed ashore.

Amazingly enough, some of the shoes that contained the feet were manufactured and sold as far back as 1999! All of the shoes are running shoes. I think the most important thing we’ve learned about this case so far is: RUNNING SHOES ARE NOT BIODEGRADABLE!

We must thank these feetless people for showing us that a running shoe can float for years and not decay in the least. Just think of all the shoes that people wear and how many of them are clogging our landfills and killing the earth! I think we need to immediately enact a law that states that all running shoes must meet certain decomposition properties and should decay within a reasonable amount of time (lets say a week) in a landfill, or better yet, just outlaw these pollutants altogether!

We must unite and ban the running shoe, as it is doing nothing but clogging up the shores of Canada, causing an eyesore!

iPhone update

Its 10:03 pm

Just got off of online chat with AT&T. A guy (whose last name was Schwarzenegger... no I didn’t ask) actually spent about a half hour resetting my whole account and junk and FINALLY got my iPhone to work.

I love it

LOVE

IT

really, I do.

In case you were wondering, he had to practically reset my entire account to get it to work. Some forums are saying that the problem is that the old SIM didn’t get turned off, or the current SIM needs to get replaced, or you have to have AT&T manually reset your stuff, which apparently worked for me.

WHOOT

Adventures of the new iPhone 3G

Having totally shunned buying anything brand new right when it comes out because of the lines, the hype, the problems, the angry crowds with pitchforks and torches when there are the problems, funny thing was that at 7 a.m. this morning, there was hubby and I at the mall camped outside the Apple store for the grand unveiling of the new iPhone 3G.

One of the reasons why we wanted to come so early was that so hubby could get some pictures of the fun to post in ireporter on CNN and to hone his photography skills, and since we were there, why not get into line and get the latest piece of wonderous apple technology.

The first guy in line, who had been there since midnight was a teenager. He wasn’t even going to get a new iPhone, he just liked to be the first in line for things. I found that odd, and a bit funny.

There was approximately 44 people lined up at that time, so after some pictures, I got into the line before more people showed up and made fast friends with the people around me, most of whom didn’t have an iPhone, so I was explaining how it all works using my “old” iPhone. I even convinced the one guy to call his wife and convince her that she needed one. I really need to start finding a way to get commissions on things like Dyson vacuums and iPhones.

I have to hand it to the Apple staff at the Annapolis mall, they walked around handing out water, provided us with Starbucks coffee and donut holes. They kept us up to date on what we would need to do, how they would run the show, everything. Fantastic staff, very cheerful... until the problems started.

Even though I was 45 in line, it took about an hour just to get to the front of the store. Apparently they were only letting in a few people, and frankly, the kid who was just there to be the first in line and was odd and a bit funny now really pissed me off because he was still in the store, lounging around and not buying anything which meant another person couldn’t be let in until one left. He was no longer odd and a bit funny, we all wanted to strangle him.

After an hour and a half, we finally made it into the store and it became quite clear why their estimate of taking only 10-15 minutes to buy and activate your phone was not working out as planned. First, AT&T was having issues with people who had corporate accounts with discounts. Then there were some issues with existing users being charged full price for the phone when they should have only paid the existing user charge, then the Apple store network got bogged down, then the iTunes store died a horrible death, therefore nobody could get activated.

While we waited in line to be “seen” by someone, we went and got all of the necessary accessories for the new phone: new case, new screen covers, screen cleaners, a protector for hubby’s laptop, etc. We carted those around with us while we slowly shuffled through the line.

FINALLY our turn came and we told the woman that we wanted two black 16gb iphones, we’re existing iphone customers, get us our phones!!!! The problem with us started the moment she tried to ring up our purchase, and like clockwork, AT&T said we needed to pay full price. We were then handed over to Pam K who was on the phone with AT&T trying to straighten that out. Pam was wonderful, and so was Mike who also pitched in to get us our phones for the right price. She spent a loooong time on the phone, so long that I actually left the store, went to Starbucks to use the bathroom and get lattes, come back and she was still dealing with them. FINALLY they had some sort of solution and AT&T activated my phone, then we went through a similar process with hubby’s phone and they insisted it was for the full price. Sigh. The apple store employees decided that it would just be better to “finagle” the price for us rather than deal with AT&T again, which they did.

By now its 12:30 pm, and although there were some not so very happy people in the store going through similar issues that we did, not to mention others that had sat around for a few hours while their phones were activated, we continued to joke around and be happy people because its not the employees’ fault all of this was going on and there were glitches in the system, so why take it out on them.

Our good behavior got us ALL of our accessories for FREE. Yes, they totally rang in our stuff and discounted it all down to a penny for us because we were so nice. So, nice gets nice things for a change. Since iTunes was clogged and since we’ve activated our phones before with the old model, they suggested that we just go home and activate them from there rather than wait who knows how long before they could activate them. Totally cool.

The only non-totally cool thing was that we didn’t have phones any more. The moment they activated the new phones, the old ones stopped working. Not having a cell phone after having one for so long is pretty much like having a lung removed. You are lost, can’t function, and know for certain that your car will break down on the way home at the exact spot where wild hungry lions have escaped from a zoo and are circling the truck hungrily. We raced home after stopping for gas even though we didn’t really need it, but was convinced that we’d run out anyway.

Got home and sure enough, still had issues with connecting it to iTunes because of the masses of people trying to activate their phones. After about 2 hours of hitting reconnect over and over and over, I finally got through and went through the screens to activate the phone, sync’d my phone and TAH DAH... no service. What? It also says that its January 17th of 2017 and 9 a.m. Um...

Hubby finally got through, activated his phone, sync’d his phone and his worked flawlessly. WTF???

I called AT&T and said WTF???

They said that it may take a while for my activation to go through. Sometimes it takes up to 24 hours. That sounded an awful lot like tech support telling me to reboot my computer and call back if that doesn’t work and then you’ll get someone else to yell at, but I said ok. I actually went through the effort to restore my phone, install everything again, re-sync... no service. BASTARDS!

The WiFi works great, I can get e-mails, and cruise the internet... I just can’t call anyone. I went two hours, stewing, then call AT&T again. They clicked some keys, verified my phone’s ID, said they were doing something to push the activation through... nothing. No service. Heaving sigh. They transfer me to apple support where I got to listen to some very nice hold music for a long time.

Jump through the hoops with them, and they said that there’s nothing they can do because that’s AT&T’s thing and yes, it can take up to 24 hours to activate. SONOFA......

So, hubby is very happy with his, very zippy quick on the 3G network, works great, wonderful, life is good... I have the equivalent of an iPod touch at the moment. I have my pictures, I have my songs, I have my e-mail, I can cruise the internet (as long as there is WiFi) but no phone. Frankly I don’t know who to be mad at.

Rather than sit and stare at the “No Service” thing until it changes, I put it aside and tried to go on with my life, but I keep going back and checking it, cursing at it. If its not activated by tomorrow (and frankly I have no faith it will) then I have to call someone back and get something done about it.

Its like half of my brain is gone without a phone... I can’t even think straight. I hate technology. When it works, you’ll hear nothing but happy things, but until then... I’m going to sit and sulk.

What Next?

Mrs. Paul is a liar

I buy fish sticks for those nights when I just don't feel like whipping up a gourmet meal after I leave work. Ok, frankly we practically live off of fish sticks or anything you can throw in a microwave because the only gourmet thing I prepare after work is ice cream, which involves scooping it out of the container into a bowl.

I was drawn to the Mrs. Paul's brand of fish sticks because the container exclaimed "Sealed in FRESHNESS POUCH" (see picture above). Ok, tell me if I'm insane, but doesn't that "freshness pouch" look as though it contains 2 very large beer battered whole fish fillets? Those things look huge, and the product picture with the gigantic fish filet almost over flowing the plate, those are BIG fish filets!

So, not only am I going to get 10 of those humungous fish filets in this box, but they will come in the wonderful sealed freshness pouch, and by my horrid math calculations, there should be 5 freshness packs that contain two fillets each. This is much better than those regular non freshness pouch fillets that just clatter around free inside the box, which goes against all product safety rules. Since the great tylenol poisoning, everything has to be hermetically sealed and banded for our protection... except fish sticks. Apparently nobody bothers to poison fish fillets, so they just get shoved into a box too large for the meager portion they give you, to clump together in a freezer burned, ice encrusted lump by the time you get them home. Having my fish fillets hermetically sealed in this wonderous freshness pouch is ground breaking!

Um... right. This is the part where I accuse Mrs. Paul of being a total liar, liar, pants on fire.

1.) As you can clearly see, the "freshness pouch" is nothing more than a plastic bag. Not only is it JUST a plastic bag, but its a single plastic bag. Not only is it JUST a plastic bag, but its not even a resealable plastic bag. Like anyone would eat 10 of these vile things in one sitting. Apparently the freshness pouch theory was wrong, as all fillets are lumped into just one bag, and not lovingly placed in twos into a pouch, therefore, they became one ice encrusted lump just as though they had been tossed into a plain old box.

2.) The humungous fish fillets depicted on the box are NOTHING like the tiny little fillets that are contained in the plastic bag. They're tiny compared to the picture, I mean, just look at them, they aren't even the same shape as the ones pictured on the box.

So, I tried to recreate the picture on the box using one of the frozen fillets. Sure, if I put it on a tiny saucer and get really close to it with the camera, I can make this tiny fillet look like a 50lb fish fillet on a normal plate.







In reality, here is what it looks like on a normal plate.
Clearly it doesn't meet the container's specification, nor the expectation of what that picture tries to sell you. Oh sure, they got me to buy the stupid fish fillets through their cunning use of lying and deceit, but you can bet I'm not going to be buying any of Mrs. Paul's fish crap any more.

I guess I should have trusted the Gorton's fisherman after all.