Procrastination, its an art form

Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to blog all about the whole quitting smoking thing, but apparently one of the gifts of Chantix is a raging “I don’t give a crap about anything” attitude, which includes housework, breathing, that sort of thing.

I’m a professional procrastinator by trade, but I was a worrying procrastinator. I wouldn’t do something on my list, then I would worry about it, berate myself privately (in my head... sometimes) about not getting something simple done and vowing to do it the next day, then repeat.

The wonders of Chantix have apparently freed me from the grip of worry. Now I seriously don’t give a rat’s ass if stuff gets done or not. Whatever, F it. This would probably explain why I agreed to get a Wii Fit and other Wii gear today. Well, that and I feel like a big bloated toad and ever since hubby quit smoking he’s gained a few suit sizes. What better way to lose weight than playing games in your house. Also good for relieving stress so you aren’t tempted to strangle the dry cleaning lady who asks three times what kind of starch you want in the shirts... really, how loud must I scream?

Part of the issue with me at the moment seems to be a feeling of fullness, and simply put, thanks to another beautious side effect of Chantix, I can’t remember the last time I poo’d. Guess I should have thrown a TMI warning in front of that, but hey, deal with it because remember... I don’t care.

So, yeah, I figure that any day now I’ll explode or perforate a bowel or something, but hey... I’m not smoking, so whoot! Frankly, I’m quite pleased that I have the trifecta or whatever of common symptoms and relieved I don’t have the last one because frankly I would do whatever it takes NOT to puke.

Anyhoo, it was off to my favorite place, Target, to get the Wii Fit thing, because they didn’t have any at the local Buy More (aka Best Buy in case you aren’t a “Chuck” geek), and that’s where hubby had reserved all of the other stuff... but they were out of the Fit, so I trudged to Target.

Another lovely symptom that isn’t listed on the Chantix list of crap you’ll suffer through to become a non-smoker is the “distracted by shiny objects” symptom. I’m actually quite dangerous on the road on this crap because I’m ALL OVER THE PLACE except on the road looking at pretty things, staring at buzzards (who circle me wherever I go... such smart birds), and in the Wii aisle of Target I was mesmerized by the Wii video... so much so that a Target salesperson actually noticed me and approached me... I must have been standing there for hours.

Once again, the Chantix was a talking when he asked if I needed anything and I said something like “well, duh” and pointed at the Wii Fit and I also threw in the Gold’s Gym sure to give you a cardiac workout thing while babbling something about gum. He rang me up quickly and then told me to have fun, to which my automatic response was... with anything that everyone says to me... “You too!”
Have a nice trip! YOU TOO!!!!! Even though your a travel agent and not going anywhere, I’m not a moron at all, YOU TOO!!! I skipped away from the counter, set off the alarm at the door, did a big graceful bow while holding my receipt high into the air and skipped out into the parking lot, only to realize that I had no idea where I parked. Have I mentioned that I’m a mess lately?

Met hubby at the Buy More, got the rest of the stuff, and then I was hit with the uncontrollable need for guacamole, so hubby went off for sushi, I hit Baja Fresh and got steak quesadillas with extra guacamole. As I was driving home, I was holding the guacamole container in the hand that I was steering with and using my free hand to dip chips into it... just as a commercial came on telling teens not to text or talk or do anything while they are driving and that parents should set a good example as well... which is why I don’t have kids or if I did they’d be dead by now.

So generally, that’s an update on the whole stop smoking thing, which took me roughly 3 hours to type up because I kept getting distracted by shiny piece of paper and string.