Oh You Beautiful Dreamer

I have to say that I totally enjoy the Chantix warnings I receive both personally and on the blog. I love all of the first hand, second hand, third hand, heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who.... oh, sorry for the REO Speedwagon lapse there.

Unfortunately I haven’t experienced any psychotic episodes, sleep driving, attempts to smother my husband while he sleeps or any of the other things that others have warned me of and frankly... I’m really disappointed! I mean come on, I pay a buttload of money a month for high end health insurance and if I’m going to get a nice prescription drug I want some side effects, so I say BRING IT ON!!!

About all I’ve had is bloating and gas, which is inconvenient, but I do say that the doubled-over stomach cramps do come in handy as I used it today when a co-worker was all like “did you lose a contact, why are you doubled over?” and I told him that the ER said is was a burst appendix or something, but I knew how much he wanted that stupid document finished, so I came in anyway, then farted and walked away.

I do enjoy the vivid dreams, although last night’s installment included a dream I keep having (for some odd reason and if anyone has any ideas, please post them in the comments) where I’m someplace and no matter what bathroom I go to, all of the toilets are malfunctioning in some heinous way. Typically the dream ends with me frantically running to the next toilet with a bursting bladder, but last night’s episode ended with me peeing on a couch. No idea what’s up with that.

The second vivid dream was that hubby and I were on vacation with our penguin. Yep, went to Florida or someplace warm with our trained penguin and we enjoyed the beaches and stuff, but when the penguin and I jumped into the pool, the penguin facade washed off and it was a pug, who apparently couldn’t swim. I saved it. Once again... no clue on that one.

I have noticed another fun festive side effect and that’s the attention span of a 2 year old, but seriously... I think I was like that before Chantix, so maybe it just enhances it because I can have some seriously cool daydreams going on, except that they too are very disjointed and weird, like when my dogs roll over on the remote control and the DirecTV goes nuts.

At one point today I knew perfectly well that it was Tuesday but for about 10 minutes thought it was actually Wednesday and was so happy that I planned to do stuff Thursday and got excited that tomorrow was Thursday, but tomorrow is actually Wednesday and if I had a lighter with me I would have set myself aflame. Oh, and my face is breaking out, but I’m blaming the new Almay junk I bought or it could be the stupid grapefruit soap gel junk from Costco, regardless, it probably has nothing to do with quitting smoking and my picking at my face like a junkie withdrawing from heroin.

Hiccups seem to be an annoying thing. Got those with the ass lozenges, but they are continuing on the Chantix. I’m thinking its from the wads of gum that I chew to keep from picking at my face and twitching. At this point I’ve experienced every type of annoying and disgusting bodily function except crapping myself and I figure that’s only a matter of time.

Oh, then there’s the procrastination thing... ok, shut up, yes I did that BEFORE Chantix, but how am I suppose to get enough class action lawsuit evidence if you keep ratting me out.