Damn Them Shows

Goaded by those “do it yourself” shows I’ve been watching lately, I had gotten in the mood to make my kitchen look less 1970. Consulting a friend of mine on the proper way to actually paint over laminate, we determined that a few coats of primer, then a nice semi-gloss would do the trick and turn my off white laminate counter door fronts into brown.

Ok, so its going well, slowly, but well as the brown paint takes a LOOONG time to dry versus the two coats of primer. In between drying stages, hubby and I pondered the old furniture upstairs and what we could do to make that area an actual living room, versus a willy nilly dump for crappy old pee stained furniture. (Please note, we have dogs therefore it is not US that is peeing on the furniture... just wanted to be clear on that)

In a fit of exuberance, I made a bulk garbage pick up appointment and we hauled EVERYTHING out of the living room and onto the curb. Free of all furniture, it seems the perfect time to steam clean the carpet and paint up there now. Hubby wants all white. Um, boring, but ok, whatever, that’s fine. Now in between priming and painting the kitchen cupboard doors, I’m also priming the entryway and living room. I must say that I’m doing this gleefully for some reason, as change is good, the color may have been a bit gloomy (sand... its sorta brown, sorta green, but not really any known color at all). The house is in total disarray, half-assed primed, cupboard doors off in the kitchen, spackle spots all over the walls that need sanding and no furniture in the living room. Oh, did I mention the gigantic stinky pee spot where the couch use to be... yeah, that’s nasty and requires some major stink remover, which one of the dogs decided to roll himself in, thus transferring the stink remover smell and the pee smell to his entire body.

Why don’t they have home owners chasing their dogs to bathe them after rolling in pee and stink remover on those home remodeling shows? Why don’t they show the home owner backing into a freshly primed wall, leaving a remarkable butt print on the wall? Why don’t they show the home owners running out of primer and leaving the entryway half done for a week until the weekend gets here, which is the only time they have to do their home remodeling crap? Where are my workmen with the fancy tools and unending strength and stamina? Why am I popping Ibuprofen because the arms only used for typing are ready to fall off from rolling on primer?

It looks so simple on tv.

P.S. I just want to say that the oderless KILZ primer actually does smell... like dirty feet, really dirty feet, its NASTY and not only is it nasty smelling, but its oil-based and impossible to get off of anything, so just go with the regular latex stinky version of KILZ if you use that brand, you’ll thank me later.